Mervis sneaks onto CatDog's property to deliver the mail to them. He hides behind a bush, then a tree, and then a rock. He pulls out CatDog's mail and looks at it, terrified
Mervis: "Through rain, a-a-and sleet, a-and snow gulps and dogs."
Mervis tiptoes up to CatDog's mailbox and opens it. CatDog's door opens
Dog: "MAILMAN!"
Mervis:"AAAAAHHHHH!"
Dog chases after Mervis while saying "mailman mailman"
Cat: "Easy easy! Dog stop please! I'm expecting a very important package!
Dog runs off screen and Mervis can be heard screaming along with the sound of fabric ripping
The shot changes to inside CatDog's house. Dog is hanging a picture of Mervis on the wall next to the previous mailmen. There is a piece of the mailman's pants nailed onto each frame.
Cat:"I hope you're proud of yourself, Dog. You've chased away every uniformed delivery person in the county. Now nobody will come and deliver my fish of the month! sighing oohhh, white fish chub."
Dog: "Yep, nobody's faster than me. Nobody!"
Cat:"Nobody Dog? I seem to recall that..."
Cat reaches behind the couch and pulls up an empty picture frame
Cat:" one time you came up empty!"
Dog:" I don't want to talk about that! I was just a pup. Nobody's faster now. Nobody."
Wizzing can be heard coming from outside. Cat opens the door and pulls out his binoculars. A cloud of dust zooms by on the road, with letters addressed to Cat flying out of it
Cat:"Hey, it's a new mailman!"
Dog:" Yeah, better clear a little space on the old wall."
The new mailman stops in front of Mervis' hat. He steps on it and it catches on fire. Dog opens the door and stares at him
Cat:" Oh please Dog no. Let Mr. Mailman deliver our mail... then you can chase him!
Dog walks towards the mailman and stops a few feet in front of him
Mailman:"People told me you were fast."
Dog:"People talk too much."
Mailman:"Talk is cheap."
Dog:"Not cheap enough."
The mailman takes out CatDog's mail as Dog snarls at him. Dog growls and runs at him. He jumps at him but hits nothing.
Dog:"Where'd he go?"
The mailman is leaning on CatDog's mailbox. He opens it, revealing it to be full of mail
Dog:"nng? Beginner's luck!"
The scene progress to the next day. CatDog are sitting underneath their mailbox
Cat:"Please let him have my white fish chub! Please let him have my white fish chub! Please let him have my white fish chub!"
The mailman can be seen running towards CatDog's house. He stops in front of them
The mailman:"Ah, you again."
Dog:" No more mister nice dog"
Dog jumps, aiming for his butt to bite his pants off, but the mailman simply moves out of the way. CatDog slide into a puddle of mud. The mailman puts their mail into the mailbox
The mailman: "Ha hehe"
There is a montage of Dog jumping at the mailman but missing every time, as CatDog's mailbox continuously gets fuller and fuller. Dog holds up a white flag
Dog:"I can't catch him. I can't catch him. I can't catch him."
Dog's eyes start to swirl
Cat:"What? What's the matter with your eyes?"
Dog:"Oh so long ago"
It flashbacks to when CatDog were babies. They run out of their house
Cat:"Let's go Dog! Come on."
CatDog run out to their mailbox. Cat is holding a ball of yarn and they start to play with it. Someone whistles and Dog runs toward them. It's the paperboy
Cat:"Watch my body!"
The paperboy holds out a newspaper and Dog tries to bite it, but the paperboy pulls it away at the last second. Dog turns around and tries again but fails. He then tries it one more time but the paperboy hits him with the newspaper
The paperboy: "hehehehe! singing Slowpoke! Slowpoke! Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah slowpoke!
the scene changes to present day. A milkman, a mailman, and a Girl Scout hide behind a rock looking at CatDog's house
Milkman:"Psst! Is it true what they say?"
Girl Scout:"Psst! Word is he's been holed up in there for weeks."
They all tiptoe away as the scene changes to the inside of CatDog's house. Dog hung his teeth up. He now has a beard and is wearing a white tank top. He is also slightly overweight
Dog:"Slowpoke, slowpoke, na na- no no no!"
Cat:"Hey! Come on Dog, get over it."
Dog:"I can't! I can't get over it. I swore I'd never get whupped again. But look at me now. I'm nothing. I'm not even a dog. I'm a- a slowpoke."
Dog eats an entire can of cat food. He then throws the can onto a pile of empty cat food cans. The mailman bursts in through the door, scattering the cans. He walks in as the milkman, the other mailman, and the Girl Scout watch
Cat:"Ooho! What goodies do we have today? Something of the white fish chub persuasion, mayhap? Hehehe!"
The mailman:"Don't worry, it's a'comin in."
The mailman opens Dog's mouth and stuffs the mail into it, then slams him down and walks away. He then stamps "Return to sender" on Dog's forehead. The milkman, the other mailman, and the Girl Scout laugh at Dog. The milkman pours milk onto Dog's head
Milkman:"Lead-foot!"
Other mailman:"Some dog!"
Girl Scout:" Why he's yeller." The Girl Scout crushes cookies onto Dog's forehead
The mailman:"See you tomorrow, with the mail."
The mailman and the three others laugh. They leave the house. Cat picks up Dog's teeth
Cat:"I hate to say it pal, but you need to get back in the chase."
Cat puts Dog's teeth in front of him and he smells them. He starts to whine
Cat:"When that paperboy beat you down like a dog, did you give up? No! You pulled yourself up by your choke chain and became the scourge of uniformed delivery people everywhere! Come on, come on! Take the teeth. Be a dog! Woof."
Dog hesitantly picks up his teeth and puts them back in his mouth. Cat picks up the mail and Dog smells it. Cat throws all of the mail up and Dog runs around, grabbing it before it hits the ground. Dog puts on a belt, gloves, a poncho, and a cowboy hat. Cat is wearing spurs
Dog:"Let's get postal."
CatDog go outside. Instead of their usual front yard, it looks like a desert. The mailman can be seen running towards them from a distance. Dog pulls out a stopwatch and checks the time. When he puts it away the mailman has stopped in front of him. Dog and the mailman look at the mailbox. Dog shows off his teeth, which the mailman does as well. The mailman has a golden tooth, which is what the paperboy in the flashback had as well
Dog:gasps "It's you! The paper boy."
The mailman:"I'm not the paper boy anymore. I'm the mailman."
Dog:"Cat, I'm not fast enough to beat him."
The mailman:"It's your move... slowpoke. singing Slowpoke, slowpoke, nyah nyah nyah nyah slow poke.
Dog:"Stop singing that song!"
Cat:"Come on partner! Show that mail boy what kind of dog we are."
Dog snarls and runs towards the mailbox. The mailman runs towards it too and they crash into each other. A giant cloud of dust covers the scene. When it clears, the mailbox opens and is empty. Dog has a piece of the mailman's pants in his mouth
The mailman:"Ah! Mommy! A big bad doggy bit my heinie!"
The mailman cries and runs away. Dog chews the fabric for a bit and spits it out
Dog:"I best not see you around these parts again... slowpoke!"
song starts to play with vocals as the scene shows all of the pictures of the mailmen. It then shows Dog chasing away all of the delivery people
lyrics
♩"Dog against mailman is a duel as old as time
A dog who's lost his nerve is like a song that lost its rhyme
But when the dust has cleared the dog done realized his quest
He owned that mailman's trousers 'twas the fight heard round the west
Adios, slowpoke
oh the cat never got that fish."♩
end of episode
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